“It’s the loneliness. It makes us weak.” -Medivh, Warcraft (2016)
I guess I’ll start this post by getting vulnerable.
I feel lonely. At times I just feel alone. It’s like there’s this wall between me and the other person. Sometimes I’m the one who puts the wall up, and other times the other way around.
But there are those moments where both parties have their guards down and we truly connect. These moments are short lived. It’s like two waves that only meet when they crash… then they go different ways. I am aware that I don’t hold long relationships. That I float in and out of groups. Ya I have long standing friendships, but they flicker and waver like a small flame. Where is the blazing raging fire? If I do find a match to create such a flame I watch myself over indulge and feed the fire faster than we can withstand. I’ve witnessed and experience this only to be burned or burn another or just burn out.
Timing. It seems that timing is what I’m trying to get right. Like when I want to connect with another it seems that they are not ready, and other times I find myself shutting away from those who only love me and want that accepting presence, but somehow I’m not there.
I’ve been reflecting lately on my relationship and about what I am looking for in another person. I dawned on me that what I truly desire is someone who fully accepts me for who I am. But isn’t that what all of us want. To be accepted and respected. So what’s in the way of coming together.
On the large scale I can see how this can be complex and well a deep dive debate. Perhaps its just the polarizing political grounds, which stems into the separate classes that fuel this separation. This Red or Blue war where there are sides to be picked and emotionally triggering conversations that never have reasonable or logical sense. Just hurt people lashing out at the other. If only we can all put the offensive strike down and start the conversation for resolution. But before long fear always seems to trickle in and fuel the ego.
So what about the smaller scale? What about family, friends and community. It seems like an obtainable goal; to create core, unity. At my times when I feel lonely I think about my family and old high school friends. Those people in my life have been there. They’ve seen me through all different phases, good and bad, but they’re still there for me. That’s my community. Perhaps the connection isn’t as strong as it was. For hey we live and grow. We get new jobs, new friends, new romantic partners. Are these relationships any less? I say no.
What can we do? Well we can start by reaching out more often to those we love, and accepting that the relationship isn’t what it was, but maybe its even stronger. It’s more developed, matured, refined like a good wine. Its aged and has depth and body. In response to that I do my best to tell the people who I love how much they mean to me. Ya sure it more likely to come out after a few IPA’s, but you know what I don’t think that matter. Ya sure if you’re a dick sober and then get drunk and then all lovey dovey then aye do some inner work bro. (same thing if its the other way around, no one likes a mean drunk, own your shit breh). But whatever the case just enjoy the time we share with others and let people know how you feel about them.
I started the post with a quote from the World of World Craft movie. Medivh is this mage / sage or some kind of magick dood. He’s respected by the humans of the world as their protector. They adore and love him. Leading up to this scene we become aware that he’s been absent for sometime, and *spoiler* he ends up being the bad guy who brought the bad spirits into this world for the lust of more power. Reflecting on this I think its important to remember our humanity that life as we know it will end some day. And that we have the power to slow down and be with others, no above them or below, but as equals.
As always,
Peace and love my friends – Keep a chill warmth out there, cheers!
